Fat and healthy vs. oh my god.

I worked a night shift last night. On the way home - get this - I joined a GYM. A real gym! I used to go to Curves but I found it soooooooo boring. Eck. Repetitive, crap music, not fun. My local gym has a special this month with a $50 admin fee, then only $20 a month! Bargain!

Speaking of bargains, I got a chair-massager-thing from eBay. It's one of those mats you put on your chair and it massages you with motors. Bad description, I know. Anyway, they retail for $199 and I got it for $30! Another bargain!

I started my food program thingy today. Ahhhhhh. Light PB and toast for breakfast, shepherd's pie and a muesli bar thing for lunch, spag bol for tea, and a tangelo and a vegetable frittata for snacks! My fiance (weird to say that) bought me some strawberries as well so I had those too. My food provides 1500cal per day and according to loose calculations, my BMR means I need about 2600 cals per day - I did not feel bad adding the strawberries. Although I haven't actually been tot he gym, I just went there to join and then went to bed. And now they're closed. I'm going tomorrow - although my running pants have disappeared. Hmm, I'll have to get new ones.

Now the oh my god: I watched this show called Fat Girls and Feeders. It was pretty horrifying. I am all for fat acceptance and loving the skin you're in and the rest, but man, there is NO good reason to deliberately eat yourself to immobility. This one girl, Gina, was married to a man who really wanted to, well, be married to the fattest woman in the world. He managed it; he fed her up to 821 pounds! In Australian, that's 373kgs. She had to be washed by him, her thighs touched a foot and a half down, and she couldn't pull her legs apart for him to even have sex with her. There were these patches of dark, shiny skin that looked dead or about to split. It was awful. The worst bit was I don't think she ever wanted that. She had grown up in Hollywood and was always excluded because she was overweight. She had no self-esteem and then this guy came along and told her she was beautiful. It was so sad - she was watching a video of herself naked and she said, "Well, I don't find it attractive, but he does, so I guess it was for a good reason". Rrrrrr. I know what it feels like to live in a body I don't find attractive, but at least I am not at anybody else's mercy for food, washing and toileting. I just can't see how anyone would ever think it was a good idea to do this to themselves, or someone they loved.

I am thankful that I can take myself in hand (not literally!) and get myself healthy.