Still ticking

Still no gym, though. I got on the scales on Thursday morning and did not see a 10kg loss overnight. Whyyyyy? I joined a gym, why haven't I lost weight already?

*You have to actually GO to the gym, young lady*

I am going OK though; I have lost a couple of kilos already. My official weigh-in day is Tuesday. I am one of those daily weighers; I think it helps me to see the trends and what my body does. I know, for example, that I 'put on' 2kgs of temporary weight each day which comes off if I get a good sleep. I know that I also retain a bit of fluid the day after heavy exercise. I like knowing that stuff so I can see 'gains' in perspective - imagine if I didn't know these things and weighed in the day after I had almost killed myself exercising. I'd be devastated!

My second-youngest brother graduated high school today. I'm really, really proud of him because he has had a ROUGH year. He's incredibly intelligent, but because of the floods and some family stuff he became clinically depressed and just stopped going to school. Thankfully the school was really supportive of him and he made it through. I went through almost the exact same thing in my final year, but the cause of my depression was that I had been pretty sick for, like, two years constantly before that. And now I'm doing a masters *buffs nails on shirt*, so it can all work out in the end.

Another sodding night shift tonight - 9:30pm - 7:30am. I hatey hate HATE what night shift does to my body: usually I weigh lightest first thing in the morning, but my circadian rhythms have all changed and now I am lightest in the afternoon, at about 2pm. Le sigh.

OK - gym is DEFINITELY Monday. I am sort of scared to go - I really don't know what I'm doing, and although I usually don't give two hoots what people think of me when I'm running (what, they'd prefer I stay on the couch getting even fatter?), I have discussed before that I have a problem with looking stupid. Not knowing how to turn on a treadmill or use the weight machines would qualify me as looking stupid, I think.

I was going to end there, but that sparked a thought - why do I think it would make me look stupid not to know those things, but if someone else didn't know I would just think, "Oh, probably her first time here. I wonder if she needs a hand," and maybe go help her out. Hmmmm. Why do I have to be perfect, but I don't hold others to my standards?